I can usually never get enough of my love affair with ESPN. Honestly, the channel could remain in my view for the entirety of my days and still not force me to go completely insane. ESPN News makes life even sweeter; it’s like CNN, except constantly updated with the latest and greatest sports features. It’s damn good journalism, and I love it.

This week, however, a black cloud has stationed itself above the powerhouse of sports proclamations. That cloud’s name is, in fact, Steve. He apparently works for the station over in Bristol, CT (possibly an intern), and now permeates the channel’s programming on a frequent basis. When a program retreats to commercials, Steve rears his head, alerting viewers to a special announcement regarding SportsCenter. He always manages to show up in a different setting (the gym, editing room, snack area, etc.) with a sort of scoreboard hanging around his neck, manifesting a countdown clock.

He says annoying things, tries extraordinarily hard (and ultimately fails) to be funny, and has managed to turn ESPN into my latest pet peeve. Steve, I dislike you. And please never tell me to “check out your calves” again. Until the event heralded by the boy is over, I will refrain from tuning my tube to ESPN. Sad to say, I know.